This one's less of a guitar lesson and more of a life lesson applied to the guitar. It's a bit of a heavy topic, but I think most people can relate to it.
Being a better guitar player won't make you happy. That sounds bleak, but there's a more positive side to it: once you understand why, it's much easier to work out what actually will make you happy as a guitarist and a musician.
Being good at guitar doesn't feel like much ▶ 0:53
If you're reading this, there's a good chance, no offence, that I can play a lot of the things you want to play. I'm not the best guitarist in the world, but I'm pretty good. It's my job.
But how much time do I spend thinking about that each day? Almost none. Maybe none. And does that ability make me feel fulfilled and happy as a guitar player? In itself, not really. Yes, being a guitarist is part of my identity. But all those worries I used to have, all the insecurities about not being as good as someone else at this, that or the other, are still there. The goalposts have moved slightly, but they're still there.
The hedonic treadmill ▶ 1:30
You can probably point to loads of things in your life that a younger or less experienced you would have dreamed of having. Now you've got them, you're used to them, you don't think about them much, and they don't bring you day-to-day happiness.
That's called hedonic adaptation, or the hedonic treadmill. We reset our baseline of what we expect, and what makes us happy, to match the surroundings we're used to.
Songwriting is my main passion, writing rock and metal tunes. My songwriting, mixing and production are so far beyond what I could do a few years ago that I could turn out a song in a week that's better than one that would have taken me six months three or four years back. And I still feel anxious about it all the time, wondering if a bit's good enough or if anyone will pay attention to it. So I'm very much in this boat with you.
Make the process the goal ▶ 2:40
It's pretty cheesy, loving the journey and all that. But almost every guitarist I know, professional or beginner, self-conscious or super confident, isn't really interested in spending time on the things they can already do. They're trying to do the next thing: the next song, a slightly harder solo, a more creative lick. Humans naturally look for new challenges.
So it's a bit backwards to set a goal of playing a certain song or reaching a certain speed and expect it to make you happy. We're just not wired like that.
Honestly, I think goal-setting culture is a bit overblown. Short-term goals are useful, like something you want to achieve in a week or two. But grand goals mostly give you a constant reminder that you're not there yet. And when you do get there, you'll just set another one. It's a never-ending game, and I think the only way to win it is by making playing the guitar itself the goal.
You're probably not playing enough ▶ 3:37
That brings me to a point that applies to, I'd say, 80 to 90% of people. If you're honest with yourself, you're probably not playing as much as you think you should.
When I feel insecure about my songwriting, most of the time it's because I'm too busy doing other things and not working on the thing I enjoy and care about. If you spend lots of time setting goals, watching guitar videos, resetting your routine, changing your environment or buying new instruments, and not actually playing, I'd bet a lot of that is coping with the fact you're just not playing enough.
The good news is there's a snowball effect. The more you pick it up, the more you want to pick it up.
The meaning you're searching for is in the hard work you're avoiding.
That's a quote I like, paraphrased. I went through a period of live streaming my songwriting sessions, three or four hours straight, and not once was I worried about my position as a songwriter. I was just getting on with it. I could feel myself making progress, but more importantly, the identity I wanted matched the identity I was acting out day to day. To me that's one of the most important things.
Accept where you are as a player ▶ 4:55
The other thing is accepting your position. You might be a slow learner. You might not be very coordinated, or have much musical knowledge, or be a naturally musical person. There will always be someone who learns quicker than you or has more creative ideas. That applies to everything in life.
I think we lie to ourselves and say, if I just learn this technique, or find the one missing piece, it'll all click. Honestly, I'd say at least 70% of your progress comes from putting the hours in. Techniques help, and I share plenty of them. But if you're a slow learner, it'll take you longer to pick them up. It just will.
If you refuse to accept that and keep hunting for the missing piece, you're putting your ladder up against the wrong wall. If you learn slowly, you might have to spend more time on things, but at least you're not chasing something you'll never find. And if playing is the goal, it doesn't matter whether you learn quickly or slowly.
Separate practice time from play time ▶ 6:05
A more practical tip: split your time between practising and just playing. I think 80/20 is a good split, though 50/50 is fine too. Spend 80% of your time practising and 20% playing stuff you can already play. No pressure, just whatever you want, an easy song or something a bit challenging you can get through. Something that reminds you where you are as a player and how far you've come.
That said, I think most people actually thrive on the challenge of learning something new and progressing, so don't let the play time take over.
If you're not happy now, you won't be then ▶ 6:36
Another quote I like is "One must imagine Sisyphus happy." I'm not saying you have to become some stoic, Zen guitarist who's found peace. But when you achieve the thing you think will make you happy as a guitarist, it probably will, for a little while. Then you'll get used to it and want something else.
If you're happy as a guitarist now, you'll probably be happy then. And if you're not happy now, you won't be then either. That sounds a little negative, but I think it's quite freeing.
So, what to do
Your goal is to pick up the guitar and play it. That's it. And if that doesn't feel like a satisfying answer, I'd say that's where the problem lies. Accept where you are, whether you're naturally gifted or not, and go and do the thing. If it helps, keep a practice log of the time you actually spend playing, and see if it matches how much you think you play.
